I watched a parent film her toddler’s tantrum.
Not to help the child. Not to document a developmental milestone. But to capture the tantrum itself for TikTok. To get views. To get engagement. The child was screaming. The parent was positioned for the best camera angle.
The psychology of this is disturbing.
Children are being raised in front of cameras, and we’re only beginning to understand what this does to their development.
The research on parenting shows that attunement is crucial. The parent needs to recognize the child’s emotional state and respond to what the child actually needs, not what the camera needs. When a child is distressed, they need comfort. They need to know the parent is present with them. They need the parent’s full attention.
A parent filming a tantrum is not attuned to the child. The parent is attuned to the camera. The parent is thinking about what will get views. What will be relatable. What will get comments. The child’s actual emotional needs are secondary.
This is a new form of parenthood. And we don’t know yet what it does to children.
The research on parental attention shows that children need consistent, reliable attention. They need to know that when they are struggling, a parent will be available. This becomes internalized. The child develops what’s called secure attachment. The knowledge that help is available shapes how the child approaches challenges.
A child whose parent is filming the tantrum instead of responding to it is getting a different message. The message is: your distress is interesting to strangers on the internet. Your pain is content. Your vulnerability is audience material.
This is not secure attachment. This is something else entirely.
I started watching parenting TikTok content and was struck by how often it centered on the parent’s cleverness or relatability rather than the child’s wellbeing. The parent making a funny video about the child’s embarrassing behavior. The parent positioning themselves as the hero managing a difficult child. The child is the raw material for the parent’s content creation.
The developmental impact of this is unknown because it’s new. But the research on other forms of parental self-focus gives us hints.
When parents are preoccupied, children show worse outcomes. When parents are emotionally unavailable, children develop insecure attachment. When parents are more focused on managing the child’s behavior for external approval than on understanding the child’s needs, children develop anxiety and shame.
TikTok parenting combines all of these. The parent is preoccupied. Emotionally unavailable. Focused on external approval through likes and comments.
The child internalizes a message: I am content. I am performance. My worth is measured in how entertaining I am to strangers.
This is not how developing children should think about themselves.
There’s also the permanence issue. These videos are permanent. A child’s tantrum, captured on video, might be watched by millions of people. The embarrassing thing the child did at age three is immortalized on the internet forever.
Developmental psychology has long emphasized the importance of privacy for children. The child needs a safe space to make mistakes. To be silly without judgment. To figure out who they are without an audience.
A child whose embarrassing moments are filmed and shared with thousands of people doesn’t have this safe space. The child knows they’re being watched. The child knows their behavior might become content.
This changes the child’s behavior. It changes the authenticity of childhood. It makes the child self-conscious about things children should be unselfconscious about.
I think about the long-term effects of growing up as content. What does it do to a child’s sense of privacy? What does it do to their willingness to be vulnerable? What does it do to their trust in their parent?
The research on childhood privacy suggests it’s important. Children need space where their parent is not documenting them. Space where they can be themselves without performance. Space where failure is private.
The child growing up documented for an audience doesn’t have this. The child is learning to perform. To curate. To manage an image from early childhood.
This is what we know about children raised with high surveillance: they become anxious. They become focused on external approval. They lose connection to internal guidance. They don’t know what they want because they’re always monitoring what others want.
A parent filming parenting content is a form of surveillance. The child is not consenting to be documented. The child is not choosing to be internet famous. The child’s image is being used without genuine consent because the child is too young to consent.
And the parent is deriving benefit. Views. Engagement. Maybe money. The child is not benefiting. The child is being used.
I watched one parenting TikTok creator discuss how her children had anxiety about being filmed. They asked her to stop. And she continued anyway. Her content was more important than her children’s comfort.
This is not new, exactly. Parents have always used children to make themselves look good. The difference is scale and permanence. Previously, the embarrassing story about your child was told at dinner parties. Now it’s watched by millions.
The developmental research shows that children need their parents to have their interests at heart. To be on their side. To prioritize their wellbeing above the parent’s needs.
A parent filming content is not prioritizing the child’s wellbeing. The child is prioritizing the content.
I’m not saying all parenting content is toxic. But parenting that centers on the parent’s need for engagement, with the child’s wellbeing as secondary, is concerning.
The child who sees their parent constantly filming knows something important. Knows that attention from strangers is more important than direct connection. Knows that entertainment value matters more than authenticity. Knows that they are a means to an end.
This shapes how the child will relate to others. How the child will view themselves.
The research on parenting styles shows that children do best with parents who are responsive to their needs, not preoccupied with external approval. Children do best when they know their parent is on their side.
A parent recording a tantrum for content is not on the child’s side. The child is the means. The audience is the end.
We won’t understand the full developmental impact of this for years. But the signs are not good. Increased child anxiety. Increased reporting of feeling exploited. Children asking parents to stop documenting them and being ignored.
This is parenting that has lost its center. That has confused the child with content.
And the children will pay the price.
Citation:
Ainsworth, M. D. S. (1963). The development of infant-mother interaction among the Ganda. In B. M. Foss (Ed.), Determinants of infant behavior. Wiley.
Sroufe, L. A., Egeland, B., Carlson, E. A., & Collins, W. A. (2005). The development of the person: The Minnesota study of child development and adaptation. Guilford Press.
Steinberg, L. (2008). A social neuroscience perspective on adolescent risk-taking. Developmental Review, 28(1), 78-106.
Livingstone, S., & Helsper, E. (2008). Parental mediation of children’s internet use. Journal of Broadcasting & Electronic Media, 52(4), 581-599.